For You

Please note:

I received your threatening letter today
And put some acid in your hair spray
So that when you wake-up in the morning
And see the bald places on your pate
You’ll know I was there.

I received your threatening letter today
And called your brother to read it to him
So that we could discuss
How utterly insane you had finally become
So the straitjacket in the box
That will arrive at noon
Is really for you.

I received your threatening letter today
And found myself laughing out loud
Because I always suspected this was who you were
And all of your meanness is not as bad
As the hornet nest we’ve planted under your bed.

I received your threatening letter today
And at first was a bit intimidated
By how evil you really are:
But I’ve laughed
Given you acid
Helped you into a straitjacket
And have given you nasty welts
So at least you now know how I feel
After receiving your threatening letter today.